Memoirs # 10

This Christmas an elderly Hungarian gentleman came for dinner.

Memoirs # 9

Last Christmas an old Hungarian gentleman came for dinner.

Scars

Today I was thinking about scars. When does a scar become a scar? When does it graduate from being a regular blemish to a lifelong scar? I'm not a dermatologist or anything so don't expect a particularly informed answer. 

I've had this mark on the back of my left hand for 84 days since accidentally stabbing myself with a pen during a card signing confrontation with my brother. I don't know whether to add it to my list of scars.

A few years ago I got one on my right arm when I burnt myself reaching into an oven to get a chip. It was touch and go whether it was going to stick and it was there for a good few months but it has since faded. 

My best scar is between my middle and annular fingers on my left hand. Apparently I got a nail stuck in there when I was a little but I don't remember it. I've had that one 20 years so that one's definitely on the list.

I'd say it takes 6 months for a scar to become official. Perhaps keep it on a probationary period until a year passes then you can mock up a certificate and put it in your logbook and everything.

Memoirs # 8

Rugby League - My best try.

I dummied from acting half back and scrambled over from 5 metres. It wasn't the most dynamic of trys but I remember being proud of it as I planned it out before hand - purposely shouting and pointing at the person I wanted the opposition to think I was going to pass it to, only to slip round and score myself. Unfortunately, I was 10 and this was a schools tournament and the referee disallowed it for being unsporting. 

Do you ever get down on your knees and thank god that you know me and have access to my dementia?

The above heading is one of my favourite lines from the popular sitcom 'Seinfeld'.  I might have it on my headstone. Hopefully I'll go absolutely crazy before I die.

The key plot line from the episode in which the above quote features is covered here.

People ridicule Seinfeld because of the slap bass and the observational humour, but it's subtleties are overlooked. I love it.

I am forever indebted to the lecturer who talked to me at the pub about American comedy and planted the seeds for exploration into both Seinfeld and Arrested Development. Thanks to that guy in the The Pint or whatever it was called in Salford.

Abbott and Costello

Apparently this is an American comedy staple.  It's old but it's good.  I like it. 

Most of all, I'm impressed by there ability to remember it all and keep the rhythms going.

American comedy seems to work on rhythms more than British comedy. 

Memoirs # 7

Laziness consumes students.

Our failure to fill out basic council tax exemption forms when we moved in meant we spent most of the year not answering the door due to threats from baliffs. There was also a court summons at some point. In the end we went all the way to Swinton and got it all sorted out.

Memoirs # 6

I went on my first plane aged 22.

I experienced my first attack of air rage whilst playing Tetris on the return flight a week later.

I woke up a row of passengers and got some major daggers.

Memoirs # 5

I got my head stuck in a metal gate at Scarborough Castle. 

I was worried for a while, but after five minutes I managed to get it out.

From 1993 - 2004, eleven out of twelve of our family holidays were in Scarborough.

How are you getting ready for Christmas?: I'm being reight festive

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NO8Q4Pdpk8o

This made me laugh when i heard it on the radio the other day. It's not that funny really on the second listen. But it's kinda sweet and festive. 

(Does anyone get the reference in the title of this post? I hope so.)

I can't stop listening to this

Blur – 1992

I worked out the chords to this and I keep singing it when I get up in the morning. Either I worked it out in the wrong key or my morning voice is no good, but I tend to move up to falsetto halfway through lines - I'm all over the place. Anyway, this is basically a noise record but I really love the actual song at the beginning.

The story is this song was on demo somewhere and then Damon Albarn rediscovered it 6 years later.  I don't know the rest of the story as I was not a member of Blur circa '98 (or circa anytime for that matter), so you should just take it as it comes.

I like Blur(the Blur/13 end of their oeuvre particularly) - I always think half their songs are through the filter of hangovers, and that's why I like them. 

Obscure things don't suit me. All I do is get into popular things in a big way. Look out for Beatles stuff in the future.

Memoirs # 4

I spent almost 3 months of my life scanning over 100,000 invoices for an NHS financial services agency.

Barney Stinson - World diplomacy shit-stirrer?

He used to be all about the ladies but my how his priorities have changed:  

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/blog/2010/dec/03/julian-assange-wikileaks?intcmp=239

Noteworthy sidebar - Julian Assange is currently(allegedly/maybe/possibly) facing a charge of 'sex by surprise' in Sweden (apparently they have varying interpretations of rape over there) and that sounds very Barney-ish. I know I've never seen Barney from HIMYM and Julian 'Wikileaks' Assange in the same place at the same time, have you?

Memoirs # 3

Oxford Road, Manchester, 2007

When signalling for a taxi a double decker bus hit my hand.

Two Gripes (no relation)

1. Can the media refrain from the use of terms like 'The big freeze' or 'big chill' etc. until the next ice age comes along.

2. I feel misrepresented by my top artists/tracks on Spotify. They're always a week behind and often completely wrong.

Castle Irwell

In the spirit of nostalgia here is a link to a blast from the past:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4699216841671463993#

I lived there. Looking back it was actually a hell of a lot worse than this caricature. But then this was produced by a couple of Lightside softies. 

Watching it now (I've watched it 20+ times) the comedy is all but lost and the thing that strikes me the most is the acoustics change from the corridor to the room. That's exactly what it sounded like. It's odd as it's something you'd never have as a memory of the place but as soon as you hear it, you're sent back in time.  

Memoirs # 2

At school I was in a jazz band. We convened for our first rehearsal only to realise we didn't know how to play jazz. Some loose jamming ensued and a second rehearsal was never organised.